RHA

Just a little bit of trivia: If, today — October 15, 2009 — you type “Kate” into google, the first result is about Jon and Kate Gosselin.  Marinate on that.

Aaron and I decided to take a much-appreciated (if not deserved) vacation day today, which means I am in bed, watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta and — simultaneously — Wikipedia-ing “Real Housewives of Atlanta.”  I love TV so much, but I almost always seem to want to be doing something else while watching — a crossword puzzle, reading a magazine, treadmilling, facebooking, etc.  Anyway, as I recently revealed to Terry and Sarayu — not that it was exactly a secret — I just can’t seem to sate my appetite for Bravo reality shows.  The Real Housewives franchise is positively enthralling.  I thought I wasn’t a fan of Atlanta, but season two has changed my mind entirely.  I Wikipedia-ed it to look up who these women actually are (you rarely get the full scoop on any of the RH ladies).  Fascinating!  Not to take Wikipedia at its word, but if true, these gals have some issues.  Admittedly, what I really wanted to know is if there is any truth to Kim’s repeated assertion that she’s only 29.  According to the Bible, er, Wikipedia, she was born in 1978, so she’s 31 now, making her claims in previously recorded shows that she was 29 very plausible.  I’d still like to see an actual birth certificate.  Or, better yet, some sort of tree-ring investigation, carbon-dating or other scientific-minded testing.  Anyway, several of the ladies seem to have some serious financial problems.  Apparently, NeNe was evicted from her home after season one; Sheree’s house was sold in foreclosure; and Lisa filed for bankruptcy in 2007.  Additionally,  Lisa’s ex-husband has custody of their two kids.  Drama!  But not the kind shown on the show…Which is probably just fine.  That stuff’s just depressing.

I have to admit that I can point to two external, but related, things that helped me come to terms with my affection for RHA.  One was when I was watching the Rachel Zoe Project (another Bravo original) and Rachel was talking to Ashton Kutcher on the phone (speaker phone, of course).  Ashton was in Atlanta with Demi and Rachel’s assistant, Brad, got on the phone to ask if they had run into Kim or NeNe or anyone.  Ashton, without missing a beat, said that they had yet to see any of the women, but he clearly knew that Brad was referring to the Housewives.  He then said that he did not watch the show, but he knew the significance of a spotting.  You can then hear Demi chime in and chide him, “You watched the entire first season!”  Hee hee.  Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher watch RHA.  Ok, and the second thing that reinforced my love was when I was watching Andy Cohen’s show (no idea what it’s called) dissecting the Bravo shows.  Andy Cohen, as you know, is the genius behind the reality shows I love.  Ok, actually, I don’t really know if that’s entirely true, but he is an NBC “television exec” and has his name on my loves.  Andy had Jimmy Fallon on and they were sipping cocktails and talking all about RHA.  NeNe even came on the show via video and Fallon interviewed her.  The real moment for me, though, was when the two of them could not stop talking about Kim and Kandi’s “Don’t Be Tardy to the Party” masterpiece.  If you have not seen this episode, you must.  It is priceless in its ridiculousness.  It is Kim doing backup singing for some new song of Kandi’s in which Kim just repeats, in an attempt at a sultry voice,   ”Don’t be tardy to the party — whoa-o-a-who-o-a” over and over and over and over again.  It was one of those moments when you kind of turn your head to the side like a dog and wonder, “Is this real?”  And then you sort of feel like you must be mistaken.  And I kind of did think that until I saw Jimmy Fallon singing it repeatedly (and, in fact, he and Andy recorded it to make it Jimmy’s ring tone).  And then putting his gin and tonic on his ring finger pretending it was his engagement ring from Big Poppa.

Ok, I suddenly feel like I’m totally talking to myself.  Is anyone with me on this?

I hate to think that I only like it because some celebrities like it.  Because, really, there are lots of things celebrities like that I don’t (Uggs, for one).  I prefer to think that these celebs just made me more comfortable with my love for the show.  It’s kind of like when Phish started covering Neil Diamond; I felt vindicated.

Hang it up

I tried watching the new Jay Leno show for the first time tonight.  Holy cow.  I lasted maybe 15 minutes before I had to change the channel in a Darwinian self-preservation move.

I’ve been confused over what in the hell NBC is thinking in putting Leno in a spot generally reserved for the ‘Law and Order’ and — God help us — ‘ER’-type shows.  Is it cheaper to pay Leno than to pay for hour-long dramas?  Do they honestly think people will watch it every night?  I really have no idea.  So, while I have been less than even luke-warm about this whole experiment, I finally decided I’d try it out tonight.  Despite having a slow learning curve when it comes to bad tv (at times), I’m pretty sure I won’t make that mistake again.  The monologue was stale, uninspired and maybe even recycled.  The final straw for me came when Leno made a stupid Hugh Heffner joke.  Now, I’m no fan of Heffner, but jokes about the ancient playboy seem a little desperate.  And this joke was worse than desperate: it wasn’t funny.  It was some nonsense about how old the guy is that when he walked into the room with his ‘bunnies’ he couldn’t remember which one he was going to ’do.’  Yes, that was the joke: he’s old; he has young sex pots around him; he couldn’t remember with whom he was going to have sex.  Because he can – and does – have sex with all of them.   Apparently.

Really?  This is from Carson’s heir?  The joke is so tired, tacky and lame it doesn’t even deserve blogging about — even from me, a lame blogger.  There are still probably some viable (ha!) jokes to be made about Hef — maybe something about how anachronistic the whole Playboy crap is (or should be) – but I’m pretty sure a joke about how an 80-year-old man is senile and can’t remember which 20-something blonde he’s going to ‘do’ isn’t one of them. 

Like I said, the worst part was that it wasn’t even funny.

Telly

So, Qristyl left us last week with a dress the judges deemed boring and aging.  I agree with the former, but not the latter.  That model already kind of  looked ‘old’ and I really didn’t think the dress added to her age in any way.  Sometimes I think the judges are too in love with short short.   Also, as you know, I don’t mind boring.  Though I realize it’s a competition and being innovative is a huge part of the undertaking.  It’s hard for me to see — until the cameras really zoom in — some of the flaws in sewing the judges point out.  I wish Lifetime (and, previously, Bravo) would do something to give the viewers greater understanding of what the clothes REALLY look like.  For example, I actually thought Logan’s dress was kinda cool until the cameras zoomed in during judging to reveal the lace craptastical.  Eeks! 

And this week Johnny bit it on the probably-dreaded crazy ‘fabric’ project, which required designers to make a piece out of newspaper.  I really love these nutty projects because I think it especially highlights the innovation, creativity and general genius-ness of the designers.  I was so far from disappointed.  I thought the trenchcoat was damn amazing, the feather-y ball gown was stunning, and Althea’s brilliant and meticulate shift was awe-inspiring.  I loved this episode.  And, again, Johnny needed to go.  I don’t even really care about whether he was lying (probably the only time you’ll ever hear me say that), but he bugged because he just really bored me.  I really just didn’t want to hear anything else from his mouth, or see any of the things he produced. 

Moving on…I’ve developed an annoying habit of waking up between the hours of 3 a.m to 5 a.m. to watch ‘Without a Trace’ on TNT.  I can’t really articulate why I like this show so much, but I clearly do.  There was a problem with the episode I watched tonight, though.  Well, actually, the episode kinda grated on me from the beginning — it seemed forced.  But the articulable super bug was when Agent Johnson (Marianne Jean-Baptiste) said to Agent Malone (Anthony LaPaglia) that so-and-so had been ‘exonerated’ from a charge of child kidnapping because the police had failed to Miranda-ize him before getting some sort of (presumable inculpatory) statement.  Johnson went on to characterize these events as the defendant being released on a ‘technicality.’  There are so many things wrong with these things that they really — even at 4 a.m. — irked me.  I know that I am some sort of prosecutor, but I don’t think even the most zealous among us would call failing to Miranda-ize someone a ‘technicality.’  Truthfully, I don’t even know what anyone means by a ‘technicality.’  Generally, I think folks mean anything that prevents the defendant from getting the death penalty but also fails to demonstrate conclusively the defendant’s absolute innocence.  And this brings me to part two of the bug-ster with Johnson’s narrative.  Exonerated?  On a Miranda violation?  WHAT?  Exonerated does not mean ‘let go’ or ‘released.’  It means that it has been demonstrated that the person did not commit the crime.  It means that physical evidence concludes that the person could not have done it, it means someone else has confessed that he was the lone gun man, it means that the accused was not in the country at the time of the offense.  It does not mean that the person was released because of a Miranda violation.  And any federal agent with the experience of Johnson would never, ever confuse the term.  And this bugged me so much, I suspect, because I feel that the show is usually well-written and smart.  And this was just dumb.

I want to post about all of the loss that we have — collectively and individually — suffered as of late, but I think I need more time.

Happy Rosh Hashannah, all!

It’s back

As I was watching Project Runway last night, I thought, “This is really great.  I love this show!”  And then I nervously waited for the judging to begin.  And as I watched, I breathed a little easier.  It felt right.  It felt normal again.  I texted Kristin that I was really into the episode, and worried what her response would be.  But she, too, was ecstatic.  Project Runway is back.

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t seen episode two of the new season, season six, and don’t want to know details, read no further.

[I will also put in a side note right now to space off the details from the disclaimer.  I'm in a piss-ass mood because the same old dude who just needs to retire has, once again, insulted my aptitude as a board member.  In fact, he did so in this way: when told that I was dealing with a DOJ-specific problem, he replied, "That's a comforting thought. [NOT!]“  I wish I could write like that.  I also wish that I could be so blatantly cruel to people that work hard to preserve jobs and save the union money, two things he didn’t do a thing about when he was on the board.  In fact, what did he do?  Oh yeah, sent out random, incoherent messages about the board’s to-dos, but only for those few meetings that he actually attended.  So angry.]

Ok, back to PR.  They’ve never done a maternity challenge before, have they?  I thought it was brilliant.  I actually thought most of the designs were truly charming.

Discussing the final six (the best three and worst three): I pretty much agreed with the judges’ choices. 

Louise’s dress/lingerie was truly pretty and looked like it must have taken forever.  I also like how she thought about how the preggers’ woman’s boobs would get bigger and incorporated pleats in the bodice to accommodate that.  But, it wasn’t my favorite color and actually, despite being one color really, seemed a little busy for me and, yes, a little negligee-y.  So, it was good she was in the top three, but also good she was the third best.

Althea.  Holy cow did I love that dress.  I love that it was a maxi, I loved the strappings, I loved the stripes.  I just loved it.  I thought it was so fun and looked so comfortable and chic.  The criticism of the cups being a little small for a pregnant lady was fair, but her model wasn’t actually pregnant so I thought it looked good.  Had she made the cups bigger, it might not have looked so good on the runway.

Shirin.  She made a coat.  And it was lined.  I don’t even think I need to say more.  I mean, a COAT!

Ra’mon.  Bad, but really — not THAT bad.  I mean, it was clearly a mistake but he kinda realized it.  I’m not defending it because it was pretty dumb, but it wasn’t a total disaster.

Mitchell’s was pretty close.  I actually loved the idea and the shorts were such a cute way to go, but the execution was poor.  From far away it looked pretty chic, I thought.  But the closer you got, the more you realized it was just off.  The shorts were obviously a disaster.  If he really doesn’t know how to sew, I don’t know how much further he’ll be able to get.  He needed to tighten up the shorts, and maybe even put them in just khaki fabric, too.  I think the sweater was ok, but maybe it should have been more of a sheer, ivory poncho and the t-shirt could have then been a cute camisole in either black or white.  That could have been cool.

But it goes without saying (though I will) that Melvin’s was a total stupid-ass outfit.  An egg?  It totally looked like she had the baby covered in the sling and then was wearing boring leggings.  It wasn’t the least bit flattering or chic.  And why on earth when people get kicked out for being so dumb do they always have to say, “I guess America’s just not ready for me.”  Give it a rest.  You wanted to make her chicken thigh pants.  Whatever that means.  You have no idea what looks good, you just want a theme.

Did you see the Models aftershow?  The show’s pretty pointless, except for the part when you get to see which designer chooses which model (something that was part of PR itself when it was on Bravo), but it was funny to see all of the models shocked and outraged when Mitchell was safe and Melvin was auffed.  I guess they preferred the thought of looking like a big egg than wearing ill-fitting, transparent wear. 

Miscellany

Here are some recent musings on which I would very much appreciate some comments and discussion.  Otherwise, I’ll feel like I’m talking to myself and that’s something I can do without a blog.

1.  The Packers looked soooooooooo good these last two games, but I don’t think I can really talk about this because it makes me nervous to have two preseason games yet to go.

2.  I understand just about nothing about this health care debate.  I am sure there is something there to understand, but I feel like so much about the health care industry is shrouded in mystery and wrong information.  For example, why do things have to cost so much?  I’m not convinced there’s necessarily an inherent cost in lots of health care, as opposed to just a manufactured cost.  Additionally, lots of people blame malpractice insurance for the high costs, and while I don’t know how much insurers charge, I’m pretty sure that litigation costs are a tiny fraction of the overall industry costs.

3.  I saw two super fun movies last weekend: (1) The Hangover and (2) The Perfect Getaway.  I really had a great time watching both of them, especially after we moved out of the balcony at The Hangover where some genetically-challenged man kept screaming, “Holy balls!”

4.  Project Runway.  I’m pretty glad the gal who got auffed did, but I wasn’t overly impressed with any of them.  Too early to say much, other than that their new studio space is nice and I’m happy there’s a Mood in L.A.  Why?  I have no idea.

5.  Also, this is a job I did not know existed.

Absence

I haven’t posted in so long for a couple of reasons: (1) I’ve been uberbusy with work and budget madness and (2) I’m completely boring and have almost nothing to say.

Despite both of those things, I’m here now.  And here are a few things that are on my mind: (1) Sarayu’s episode of HawthoRNe airs tonight on TNT (we can discuss her acting chops tomorrow); (2) the first of two “reunion” Real Housewives of New Jersey is on at the same time; (3) I’ve really warmed to the RHONJ in that while they are completely totally bonkers, the drama is really outstanding and, of all the RHs, they seem to be the most true to being housewives; (4) animal rights people can be pretty weird and (5) what the hell is the latest with Favre?

I’ll take my answers off the air.